There is something wonderful about being a fellow-shipper.
There are many, many things I love about being a missionary. I must admit one of my favorites is the opportunity I am having now of being a fellow-shipper to a beautiful, intelligent, 20 year-old, young woman. I first met Jill (the name is changed) at the home of a member in our ward. It wouldn’t be until a couple of weeks later that we would meet again. The missionaries called asking if I was available because the member who was going to go with them had cancelled. Little did I know what a fateful call that would be. Jill had decided that it was time to know for herself if the religion of her friend and his family was really Christ’s true church. This took incredible courage. The tears and the agony in which she explained how much she loved her parents and didn’t want to disappoint them or even worse, have them push her away; was witnesses enough that she had put a lot of thought into this decision. She also explained she didn’t want to join just because of her friend. She wanted to know for herself. For someone brought up in the Catholic church, the idea of the restoration was hard to accept. The truths taught in the plan of salvation and the gospel of Jesus Christ lessons rang true to her, but the need for a restoration was pretty tough pill to swallow. In exasperation she observed that if you read something written by a Catholic person there is no need for a restoration, and if you read something by an LDS author there was a need for a restoration. How was one to know? Like an echo of Joseph Smith’s past. She posed the same question, “How was someone to know?” Only divinity can answer such a serious question. In response to Joseph’s question he was visited by the Father and the Son. For Jill and every other investigator, the answer is also found through divine revelation. God has promised that if one reads “The Book of Mormon Another Testament of Jesus Christ,” with real intent, He will answer so that one knows. Trusting this promise resolves a lot of, “Who’s opinion is right?” questions. Because if the Book of Mormon is true, then Joseph Smith is a prophet of God, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s Church on this earth. God in his infinite wisdom has set in place the promise that “He will manifest the truth of it by the power of the Holy Ghost .” I love that about our message. Don’t believe us. Believe God. Because Jill is a person of great faith. She chose to act. She committed to read the Book of Mormon on a daily basis. She also chose to add fasting to her prayers. “It was harder than I thought it would be, and I’m not sure it worked,” was Jill’s comment after fasting. As I listened to Jill talk about the internal battle of fasting. I was pretty sure every member of the Church that had ever fasted could relate. At three she told herself that some people eat dinner early so she should be okay to end her fast. Her determination would not be daunted. She was going to fast ‘til 5. She did finally resort to a trick many a member has used. I’ll just take a nap until it’s time to eat. Because I’ve had many experiences with fasting, I could confidently assure her that the Lord would give her an answer. She just needed to watch with spiritual eyes. Two weeks later, Jill finds out the how the Lord answers fasting and prayer. At an unexpected moment, and in response to the scripture, “Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, she courageously asked her mom to go for a walk with her. She then shared that she was having the discussions. Is it all wonderful? No, but the all-knowing God gave her an assurance that He was there to help. Several times she had asked the Lord if he would just send the missionaries by her home and that her mom would listen. In the middle of their conversation her mom shared that the missionaries came by and that she let them in. They taught the apostasy. Did the lesson for her mom go anywhere? Time will tell, but for a humble, courageous, 20 year- old, It helped propel her on her path I talked with my oldest daughter tonight. Usually we would be doing something together while the men are at conference. She called to say she wished she was not home doing the dishes and laundry, but celebrating with the Loveland women. Instead she had stayed home, harvested potatoes all day, and now had the house to contend with. General Conference has always been a tradition in our family. To help Kevin be able to focus, we went to Salt Lake City. If we were in Salt Lake and there was problem on the farm, they couldn’t interrupt conference with a call for help. It was a great tradition. All traditions have a beginning, and ours started when Rebecca was about five. For weeks leading up to Conference the two of us, would pray it would rain so we could go to Conference. At that time in my life, I didn’t think about what kind of a request we were making. But seriously, almost every General Conference had some kind of rain. It did help that traditionally around the first week of October and April, Southeast Idaho gets rain. But for Rebecca and I, it was just that our prayers were being answered, and off to General Conference we went. Soon enough, it was a family tradition. I remember one time after her dad said we couldn’t go to General Conference, Rebecca disappointedly saying, “Dad, I’d rather go to General Conference then have Christmas.” It seemed a little dramatic, but to Bec that was just how it was. Fast forward to this weekend. Rebecca didn’t feel like she could go to General Conference. There are still 700 acres to harvest and when you get into October you are racing against the weather. This left her with the quandary of how to listen to conference. There are several recently, returned, sister missionaries and two preparing missionaries who are working on her crew. As their boss, she felt an obligation to allow them the opportunity to listen to Conference. They couldn’t be given the day off. Their help was too needed. Of course, they could listen to or read it later, but the reason she is involved in farming in the first place was her deep conviction that no sacrifice is too great to ensure that others have the opportunity to listen to a prophet’s voice. Finally, she decided she would get the boom box that had been in the shop for years, and take it to the field. She did. It didn’t work. A quick scramble found her at Walmart buying speakers for her phone. She then dashed back to the field, set it up on the transloader and let anyone who wanted to listen come pick spuds. It has been my experience that in the mist of the action, is not when we feel satisfaction, but when we see how our actions affect others. For Rebecca it was the same. A young man, preparing for a mission, stepped on to the transloader, looked her in the eye, smiled, and then bent his head down to start picking out the clods and vines. The exclamation point came later in the session when the missionary choir sang, “I’ll go where you want me to go.” Accompanying the opening lines was the Spirit’s acknowledgement that her “go” was to make the sacrifice to “stay”. Her “go” would be in a field with dirt, spuds, a speaker, and a small band of followers of Jesus Christ. Each week President asks the missionaries a couple of questions that they respond to in their weekly letters. Last week he asked them to share how the statement, "the thrill of soaring begins with the fear of falling." has been part of their missions. The following are a couple of responses he received. I think it gives a pretty good picture of the growth we are experiencing.
The thrill of soaring begins with the fear of falling "The thrill of soaring begins with the fear of falling." There's a line in a poem that says, "What if I fall? But, oh my darling, what if you fly?" I think too many times as missionaries we get so scared of failure. We would rather set cushy goals, stay in our comfort zone, or limit our reach, just because we don't want to fail. We're dealing with people's salvation, their eternal life is at stake. I can understand the fear. There's so many times when I say, "I'd rather not" or think, "Maybe tomorrow". I worry about messing up in lessons or forgetting a key point. We all do. But there's one thing that always comes to mind: GOD DID NOT SEND ME HERE TO FAIL. He did not plan on me ruining lives, messing up constantly, or being a bad missionary. He sent me here for a purpose; to succeed. It was not an easy decision for me to come on a mission and I do not plan on allowing my insecurities to mar the path God has placed before me. The Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals. If we allow God to be active in our lives, we will not fail. We cannot fall with Him by our side. We can build a boat, save some souls, or increase our faith. I try to remember this constantly. When I limit myself or my actions, I limit God. Then, what's the point? I've stopped worrying about falling and started to feel the wind beneath my wings over the last few weeks. I'm taking a more active role in lessons. I'm committing myself to learn more about the gospel and better plan for the needs of my investigators. I'm pushing my boundaries and leaving my comfort zone in the dust. Why? Because I want to fly. Now, it doesn't always work out. I trip and struggle and blunder through many activities. But, I'm looking towards the sky. One day I'll be soaring. Oh, dear sister. What if you fly? 1. I love that quote. It means to me that those times that we feel the most vulnerable, the most likely to fail-- those are the moments that determine our character because they force us to have faith. It's in that gap between comfortable and perfection where we found out what we are truly made of. It is pure faith that would allow us to push off from the edge, and rely fully on the Lord to teach us how to fly. It is in those moments that our faith is defined. Do we believe Him? Do we trust Him? Those are the moments when we show forth the answers to those questions. If we're afraid, that's okay because that means we are about to jump. We are about to have faith. When we lose sight of the nest, when we no longer have anything we are holding onto besides our faith in the Lord that is the only place we can truly learn to fly. We have no choice but to learn, and learn quickly. But how worth it that is when we begin to feel what it is to soar! When we suddenly realize that our wings are holding us that we aren't falling anymore but flying! When we look around and see how far we have come! Suddenly we are soaring-- and that is the truest form of freedom. I also loved the quote shared at MLC that says, "Today's surrender is tomorrow's freedom." I think this goes right along the same lines. Also "Relax, and feel it. This is supposed to be fun!" Same message. We have to let go of our fears that we will not make it. That we will hit the canyon's floor and find ourselves broken and destroyed. That we will never learn to fly. Instead we have to embrace our Savior, our master teacher, and have faith that he will not let us fall. We may not see the way yet, but if we listen to him soon we will find that we are soaring, with no thought of the ground beneath us, our faces turned towards the Savior of the world and his light. Suddenly we know that we can fly-- not because of ourselves, but because of the Savior. That's when the true thrill of soaring begins. For me this week, I want to remember who I am. Sometimes, in the little everyday things the person that I truly am seems left behind and forgotten. I forget that I am a child of god who has the most exciting truth of our time to share! I forget the power of the Savior to bless people's lives through me. I forget that I am brave, that I am kind, and that I can make a difference. And I think Satan's biggest tool is to try to make us think we can't fly. If we believe we can fly, then we will fly. He knows that, so he tries to convince us we have no chance. I already know I will fly-- and I don't want to forget that ever again. I know that I have the Savior of the world by my side, I just have to remember that he trusts me, and that he will help me every single day, in every single thing I do. If I am truly listening to him, then he will remind me who I am! The Savior wants us to know that we are designed to fly. He made us that way. So that is my goal-- to remember that I am a goddess in embryo, and not only that but a child of a living heavenly father, and I have the truth! If I know those things, then my effectiveness as a missionary will increase a hundred fold, because the thrill of soaring will be worth overcoming the fear of falling.
9.Every day I am seeing the hand of God in my life. There have been times here on my mission where I feel down because some of our lessons were canceled, member families were not at their home or nobody wanted to listen to our message about the restoration. I felt like I was not doing my job of being a good missionary and I was afraid that I was not doing my best. I remember the words from my father in which he said that, “The hardest times on my mission were the times when I became stronger in the gospel." I know that to be true because it has happened to me and I have felt more and more grateful from these trials because now I am not afraid to not have times of success. Through these trials comes the trial of our faith and if I keep trying and have faith that all will go well that things will happen and they will be a blessing to me and to the person whose life needed a blessing. So I will do my best to have a positive attitude to when things get hard and I start to struggle that I can raise my head high and say, "let's keep trying because I know that someone will want to hear the greatest message on earth."
One thing that I've thought about is setting a goal to knock on five doors every day. Sister ----- and I have tried to do this since we got the idea at district meeting. I love the idea of allowing the Lord to lead us. Five doors is not a lot. But, it's a test of our faith. As we make time, prayerfully choose where to go, and commit to doing this, the Lord will guide us. I know that this is true and I'm so excited for the experience and growth that this will bring to my life.
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June 2018
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